Risk It Baby!

Dear Claire,

When it comes to work, your mom, is a mini-risk-taker.  That's right, for the most part, I've followed pretty safe and traditional paths. I've always done what i've enjoyed, but never in a crazy, over-the-top, wild and throw all caution to the wind kind of way.

But here's the really weird thing.  When I have taken risks at work, they've always worked out in my favor.

Oddly enough, out of my four teaching positions, I only knew what one of them really was, when I accepted the job!

Being willing to dive into the unknown is what has kept me feeling challenged, what has stretched my learning, and was has forced me to rise to the occasion again and again.

In only nine years of teaching I have been willing, excited, and able to change.  Able to go with the flow.  Able to embrace newness.  Able to learn as I go.  Able to invent and create.  Able to fail and then learn from those experiences.

So DIVE IN!!!!    It will all work out in the end because it's your instinct to swim.

Love you when you're brave,
Mom

Claire, Our Little Player

Dear Claire,

This weekend you had this conversation with Daddy in the car:

Daddy: "I love you Claire."

Dead Silence

Daddy: "I love you, I love you, I love you Claire."

Dead Silence

Daddy: "Claire?"

Claire: "I heard you Daddy."

HAHAHAHAHA

That's right girl, you're young, keep 'em guessing!

Love Mom

Wired for Struggle

Dear Claire,

Life is not always easy.  Things, crazy things, hard things, sad things, and really odd things, are going to be thrown at you.  As your mother it is my natural instinct to want to protect you from all of these things.

It's my instinct to want to jump in, rescue you, and save the day!

I will. And I won't.

If you're in immediate danger - I'm there for you kiddo.  If you've fallen way down the rabbit hole - I'm there for you kiddo.  If you ask for help - I'm there for you kiddo.

But...all humans are wired for struggle.  You are meant to fall down, you are meant to have your heart broken, you are meant to get picked last for the team.  You are meant to fail a test, come fourth place, and lose friends along the way.

Your brain wants you to get back up, it will help you find love again, and it will encourage you to try again, and it will lead you to new friendships.

Your brain will stop doing all these amazing and wonderful things for you, if I am always there to do them for you.  Your brain likes practice.  Your brain needs to learn from each of your little struggles so that it is there to help you when the big ones come along.

And the truth is, I can't always be there for you.  That's why you have you.  And you, are the strongest, most capable, most brave, most "cry for a bit and then pick yourself back up" person ever.  I know you're this way because it's genetic.  It's in your DNA.  You were born strong and everything you'll ever need can be found inside of you. 

So I encourage you to embrace the struggles!  Meet them at the front door, welcome them in and learn from them.  This is the best way to live and the only way to learn.  Triumph is not in the easy wins, it lies in the struggle.

Can't wait to watch you overcome,
Love Mom.

Two and Ten-and-a-Half Months

Dear Claire,

Today I thought I'd write and tell you how absolutly adorable you are!  You are at such a cute age (almost three) and I think I'd better record some of your cute antics so we never forget them.

One day, about four weeks ago, I called you a 'maniac'.  Since then, if I call you a monkey, silly girl, or just about anything else, you correct me and say "no, I'm ma-mi-ac'.

Also, you seemed to have found an imaginary friend named 'Wolf'.  Sometimes he's very tiny and you carry him in your pocket.  Sometimes he lives with you in the backseat of the car.  And sometimes, he gets very big, and runs alongside the outside of the car growling.

Right now you call your little brother 'Jackie' and 'Hubba Hubba'.  Mommy calls Jack 'Chubba Chubba', but you just can't seem to make the "ch" sound, and in this instance - it's pretty funny.

You love to crawl and pretend to be a kitty, you'll come "drink milk" out of Mommy's hand and let me pet your head.

You love to "make" us hot tea and always make sure we blow on it to cool it down before sipping.

You love dancing around the room and have just learned to do sommersaults - I think you've done about one hundred of them in the past week.

You like to show Jack everything you can do; yesterday you were very excited to show him that you did up your coat zipper all by yourself.

Do you really have to grow up?  I have a feeling the day will come when you won't want Mommy to cuddle you in bed, Jack will drive you crazy, and you won't let Daddy throw you up in the air. 

So i'm going to enjoy every moment, because one day you're going to go your own way for a little while, but I'm not worried, because I know that "your way" will lead back to us.

Love you right now and for all the days to come,
Mom

Just Do It

Dear Claire,

Boys.  Boys are going to consume your thoughts for at least a good ten years straight.  Something tells me that through much of high school you're going to be talking and thinking about boys a lot.

Here's my advice...stop talking about boys and start talking to boys.

That's right.  If you see a guy who you think you would like to get to know better - then go and talk to him.  Don't just stand there and hope he talks to you; make the first move.

Seriously, I wouldn't just let the salesgirl pick out my clothes for me!  I want to take a look around the store and choose what I like too!  The same goes for boys.

Besides, most guys are beyond thrilled if any girl approaches them, so just realize that you're doing the guy a huge favor just by saying "hello".

Here's the trick though...
You have to let the guy think they're making the first real move.  I don't know why, but as we all learned from watching 'The Flinstones', men like to think everything is their own idea.

So...approach the guy, say "hello" and introduce yourself, but then let him make the next move.  Let him offter the drink, let him ask for your phone number, let him suggest a date.

If he doesn't ask you out, no biggie, you only have to find one guy, everyone else is just practice.

Love you brave girl,
Mom


p.s. - I used a special technique with Daddy - talked to his friend first to see if he'd join into the conversation (lol - it worked!)

It's Their Problem, Not Yours

Dear Claire,

One day, if you become a mother, be prepared to receive an avalanche of "questions", "concerns" and "advice" from friends, family, acquaintaneces and of course, complete strangers.

People are going to want to know what type of labor you're planning (natural or medicated?!), if you're going to breast or bottle feed, what school you're going to send your children to, what solids you plan on feeding them, what clubs you'll sign them up for, and on and on and on.

You'll be able to tell if people ask you these questions because they truly care about you and your children, because they'll be a huge fan and one-hundred percent supportive of whatever your answers are.

If they question and critique your choices and/or decisions, chances are they're just trying to make themselves feel better about the decisions they've made.  It's not your problem.

Here's the thing...parenting is mostly a guessing game and usually done through trial and error.  Sure there's some decisions made based on your values, but most of the time you're just  making decisions based on what feels best for you and your family. 


You don't ever have to explain or justify your parenting decisions to anyone.  As long as you feel right about what you're doing, than you've done a fantastic job. 

So my advice to you is to take the critics with a grain of salt, and just be grateful that you're happy and confident in whatever way you've chosen to raise your beautiful children.

Love you and your choices!
Mom

No Means No

Dear Claire,

If you've already read the post explaining that 'yes means yes', then you've probably guessed that 'no means no'.

Equally important as doing what you say you're going to do, is not doing what you say you won't.

If somebody asks you to do something, and you don't want to do it - say no. 

However, don't say no, and then an hour later "change your mind".  If you do this, than people will never believe you when you say "no".  They will continue to pressure and persuade you, believing that you will eventually change your mind. 

More than anything, you want people to believe you when you say "no".

If you don't know whether you want to do something or not, just say "I don't know, let me think about it for awhile".  The best thing about this phrase is the word "awhile", this could mean thinking about it for an hour, a day, or a year!  You've given yourself all the time you need to make a decision without committing to anything. 

If you use the world "no" a few times with people, and you stand by that answer, than soon enough, as soon as they hear you say "no", they will believe you.  Then you can live your life how you want to, not how others would like you to.

Love you, even when you say "no" to me (which at this point is about forty times a day).

"NO! I will not open my eyes for this picture!"



"No, this is really not my problem."



"No....I won't have these chubby cheeks forever so you better pinch them now!"



"No.  I will wear whatever I want before 8am."

"No, I swear there's nothing in my mouth."



"I don't even have to say "no" and I'll still get my message across."

Yes Means Yes

Dear Claire,

This advice is super easy to say, but not always easy to follow.

It is simply that, yes means yes.

Incorporating this phrase into your values will improve many of your relationships, whether with friends, significant others, people at work, and those in your community.

What does 'yes means yes' mean?

It means that if you say you're going to do something, you're going to do it.

I know you're probably thinking that this seems pretty easy, but for most people, including myself sometimes, it's not.

The trick to being able to live by this rule is this: take time to think about something before agreeing to do it.

Ask yourself: is this something I really want to do?  What if it takes longer than expected, do I want to put in extra time?  Will I find personal fullfillment in this?  Will I enjoy spending time with the other people involved?  Do I have the energy to do this?

Remember, there are very few situations where you have to give a 'yes or no' answer immediately, yet most people feel that this is what they have to do.

Don't.

Take the time to think about something before you agree to it, especially if it's going to be something that may impact you in the long-term.

Obviously there's going to be times when you can't keep a committment, just don't let this become a constant, or people will lose their faith and trust in you.

Love you when you follow through!

One is enough

Dear Claire,

One super annoying thing about being a woman is that people (and by people I mean everyone) will always be asking whether you have a boyfriend.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends you haven't seen lately, friends you saw the day before, pretty much everyone, will always want to know whether you are part of a couple.

This line of questioning will grow worse in your late twenties as people start to nod their heads nervously if your answer is "no".   If you are thirty years old and not engaged, married or dead then you've survived!  People will no longer ask in fear of sending you into a downward sprial of single breakdown.

In the meantime, if you ever get tired of answering whether you're single, have a date for prom, are seeing anyone special, etc.. simply say "Why bring sand to the beach?" and then just smile. 

Love you when you're single girl!

Mom

Living On Your Own

Dear Claire,

One of the best things I ever did was live on my own.  I actually lived on my own for three years in three different cities!  During these years I learned a multitude of things about myself.  I learned that you can quite happily live alone and never be lonely.  I learned that it's wonderful to only have to clean up after yourself.  I learned that it's fantastic to have peace and quiet and equally fantastic to have a group of friends over.

Most importantly, I learned that I can do my own grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning.  That I could pay my bills, set up my phone, internet and cable, and move my own furniture around whenever I wanted.  I was completely independent and although I made some mistakes along the way, they were my mistakes, and I learned from them.

I learned, above all else, that if for any reason I had to live on my own again - I could, and that is a great feeling.

So at some point live with strangers (who may eventually become your friends), at some point live with friends (who may eventually become strangers), and at some point....live on your own because you will always be you.


Love Mom