Thursday, December 20, 2012

One Piece is Not Enough

Dear Claire,

I haven't been able to write all week.  Something awful happened one week ago in the United States and twenty-six innocent people were killed while at school.

Since then I've been thinking about those little children who were taken from their families.  I've been thinking that this is my favourite time of year and I bet it used to be for those families too.  I've been thinking that when it comes to tragedies like this; I have no advice.

I don't know what to tell you.  I don't know whether I'll know what to say when another tragedy like this one happens and you're old enough to ask questions, and to worry, and to wonder the same thing we're all wondering: why?

I don't know if I'll tell you the truth either.  If I'll have the courage to tell you that sometimes, there isn't an answer, and we may never know why.  And even if we did know why, would it make it any easier?  Can we find peace without having the answers we're looking for?

When I started this blog, I would sometimes think, that God forbid, anything ever happened to me, at least you would have this.  You would have this blog, my pictures, my belongings, and most of all you would have Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa who would be able to fill in so many pieces for you, about me.

Since Friday, I've been thinking...what if it was the other way around, and you were taken from me?  I don't have enough of you yet.  Your artwork is not enough yet.  There aren't enough home videos of you.  I don't have all your report cards, your graduation cap or your wedding veil.  We haven't played Barbies yet, you haven't been to a sleepover, and we haven't even argued about you spending too much time on the phone.

The pieces I have of you right now are not enough.  I want more.  I want every single piece to the person you are meant to become.

In my paryers to keep you, and all children safe from these types of senseless violence, I will continue to think about the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School and how they no longer have the same dreams they had seven days ago. I will keep mindful that the pieces they had hoped for have been stolen.  I will pray for them, and wish them peace and that they will hold onto as many pieces as possible of their beautiful children.  

Love Mom

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Two and Ten-and-a-Half Months

Dear Claire,

Today I thought I'd write and tell you how absolutly adorable you are!  You are at such a cute age (almost three) and I think I'd better record some of your cute antics so we never forget them.

One day, about four weeks ago, I called you a 'maniac'.  Since then, if I call you a monkey, silly girl, or just about anything else, you correct me and say "no, I'm ma-mi-ac'.

Also, you seemed to have found an imaginary friend named 'Wolf'.  Sometimes he's very tiny and you carry him in your pocket.  Sometimes he lives with you in the backseat of the car.  And sometimes, he gets very big, and runs alongside the outside of the car growling.

Right now you call your little brother 'Jackie' and 'Hubba Hubba'.  Mommy calls Jack 'Chubba Chubba', but you just can't seem to make the "ch" sound, and in this instance - it's pretty funny.

You love to crawl and pretend to be a kitty, you'll come "drink milk" out of Mommy's hand and let me pet your head.

You love to "make" us hot tea and always make sure we blow on it to cool it down before sipping.

You love dancing around the room and have just learned to do sommersaults - I think you've done about one hundred of them in the past week.

You like to show Jack everything you can do; yesterday you were very excited to show him that you did up your coat zipper all by yourself.

Do you really have to grow up?  I have a feeling the day will come when you won't want Mommy to cuddle you in bed, Jack will drive you crazy, and you won't let Daddy throw you up in the air. 

So i'm going to enjoy every moment, because one day you're going to go your own way for a little while, but I'm not worried, because I know that "your way" will lead back to us.

Love you right now and for all the days to come,